How NOT to quit drinking

There is a desperation. There is a panicked sadness. You’re sitting in a stalled car, on the side of the road.

And you are willing it to start.

Please start. Please start. Please.

Traffic moves past you, people getting to their destinations, and you’re in the driver’s seat. Not moving. Waiting.

If mental force worked to make your car start, if this kind of wishful thinking was successful, then mechanics wouldn’t exist. Garages would evaporate. Gas stations would be boarded up and turned into theme parks after the mandatory waiting period.

If you could, through your sheer force of will, get your car to start, you’d do it.

Every time you ran out of gas on the way to your son’s hockey, you’d twinkle your nose like that gal on TV, and the engine would turn over, hum nicely, and off you’d go.

There are tools that you could use, to start your stalled car. You’re not interested. You’ve decided that your strategy is to ‘try harder’.

I have to want it more. I’m waiting for the click. I should work like this. I can will it to work. I can squinch up my eyes and force it out.

There are tools you could use … no, no tools, you say, and you’re quite adamant.

I’m finding it hard to be sober for more than a few days at a time, but I’m sure if I just try harder, it’ll happen. I have to want it more.

Try harder. Want it more. You wait like that for years. Sitting in an unmoving car.

Willing it to start.

If you car won’t start, then you fill it with gas. You call the tow-truck. You have the timing belt replaced. You ask someone who’s done it what they’d suggest. You get a ride with a friend.

If you’re finding it hard to be continuously sober, then you fill up with sober fuel. You have a sober penpal (and email her every day), you read sober blogs, you listen to your favourite single-speaker sober podcast. You go to a meeting, speak to a counsellor. You say no to the party, to the work retreat, and the pub crawl. You go to bed as early as you can manage, you give up making 3-course meals for a few weeks. You change what you’re doing. You add tools.

No thanks. No tools. I don’t what to try anything different. I think if I could just make myself WANT it more, then I’d be successful.

I have a secret for you, but it’ll be obvious as soon as I say it: You already want it enough.

If you didn’t want to quit drinking, you wouldn’t be reading this. You’re already 560 words into this article. If this wasn’t making sense to you, you’d have read the title and pressed next.

You are here. I can see you. You already want this sober thing enough. If you’re not (yet) successful at being sober, then what does that mean? It means you don’t have enough tools. You’re sitting in a stalled car hoping that it’ll start. Maybe you’ve been doing that for years.

Time to reach out for some sober support. Put some fuel in your tank.

~

Thanks for reading. Can you click on the little ‘clap’ picture? 👏🏼 Helps people find the stuff I write. Merci.

Belle Robertson, sober 5+ years, blogs and writes and records free sober audios. She has been sober penpals with 2,765 people. She works as a text designer, a baker & caterer, and as a sober coach. She thinks all coffee is good coffee, especially when it’s at 6 a.m. And that cinnamon buns could take over the world. This blurb updated April 2018.